Building Better Men: How a Detroit program helps boys plant the seeds for emotional strength
By Keenan Smith
Click here for updates on this story
Michigan (WXYZ) — June is Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month. Men are far less likely than women to seek mental health support, and the consequences can be serious.
But, one local program is trying to reach boys long before they become men in crisis. That organization, Building Better Men, is helping young men learn to name their emotions, manage conflict and take control of their future.
At just 8 years old, King Holliday can already tell you what anger feels like, and more importantly, what to do with it.
“When I get super angry, I take a break, I breathe 10 times and sometimes I draw,” King said.
“How do you feel after you do that?” I asked.
“After I do that, I feel more relaxed,” he said.
Those are not just childhood lessons. They are mental health skills. Inside Building Better Men, these lessons are being taught early.
The program was created by Odis Bellinger, a clinical therapist, author, and recipient of the 2016 Presidential Volunteer Service Award. He said the insight began with his own childhood.
“We created Build a Better Man, probably out of my dysfunction. I grew up in a household, didn’t have a biological father there,” he said.
Bellinger said he grew up in Detroit’s Dexter-Davidson area, knowing something was missing even before he could name it.
“Never having a man in a house, you really didn’t know what you were missing, but you know it affected you, right?” he said.
So, in 1990, he created a program for boys who needed what he once needed: Guidance, structure and the tools to process what they feel.
“We want them to be a better son, a better student, a better person, a better problem solver, and a future family man,” Bellinger said.
During Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month, the message is especially important. Men are less likely to seek help. Bellinger believes that pattern starts long before adulthood with boys who are never given the language or support to work through what they feel.
“That’s where everything starts, right? So to be able to understand how to process your feelings, to understand why you feel the way you feel,” Bellinger said.
For 10-year-old Cadin Scott, that lesson includes learning that recognizing emotion and expressing it is not weakness, and that being in touch with your feelings — be it sadness or anger — doesn’t mean being controlled by them.
“Let it all out, make sure somebody knows how you’re feeling,” Cadin said. “After I let out my emotions, it’s kind of like you go back to regular.”
Edward Spinks, 13, said the program brings him connection.
“Because I do not get out the house much [00:02:25][1.9]
He said it also brings him a chance to talk with other boys his age outside of school and outside of home.
“We need communication in our everyday life,” he said.
Bellinger said the work on emotions has to start early — before anger becomes violence, before loneliness becomes isolation, and before boys grow into men who don’t know how to ask for help.
More than three decades later, Bellinger said Building Better Men now reaches about 240 young men each year across five sites.
He said he sees the results in the men who come back years later. Some are athletes, some are doctors, some are lawyers. All were once boys who could use someone willing to invest in their potential.
“If you plant a seed, it can grow,” Bellinger said.
For the boys who are still in the program, what it means to be a better man is taking root.
“It helped me improve my manners and patience, definitely patience,” King said.
Bellinger said emotional health doesn’t start in adulthood. It starts by giving boys the books, the language and the support to handle what they’re feeling before it turns to something heavier.
He said Building Better Men is always looking for volunteers, donors, partners and schools or community sites interested in starting a chapter. You can find more information on their website.
Please note: This story was provided to CNN Wire by an affiliate and does not contain original CNN reporting. This content carries a strict local market embargo. If you share the same market as the contributor of this article, you may not use it on any platform.
