Be Mindful: Journalist starts podcast to help self, others grieve loved ones killed in shootings
Victor Guzman
MONTEREY COUNTY, Calif. (KION-TV) — Erika Mahoney talks about her dad, Kevin, whenever she gets the chance to do so.
That includes answering questions her kids have about their grandfather.
She describes Kevin as a funny, sweet and caring person who wouldn’t hurt a fly.
“He was that shining light who would walk into a room and everyone starts to smile,” Erika says.
In March 2021, Kevin was out picking up groceries for his wife at the King Soopers grocery store in Boulder, Colorado.
What was supposed to be a quick stop at the store turned deadly, as a gunman opened fire on shoppers and staff.
Police swarmed the area, with news coverage beginning almost immediately.
Shortly after the shooting, Erika received a call from her mom while she was working for Monterey County’s local public radio station. After ignoring it the first time, Erika’s mom called again and again, that’s when Erika says she knew something was wrong.
Erika called back, only to hear the news that an active shooter was at the King Soopers and her father was inside when it started.
“When she said that, I wanted to fall to my knees,” says Erika. “I felt a hole blast through my heart.”
Erika says she and her family waited 12 hours for an update on Kevin’s condition. Clinging onto hope that he somehow survived, Erika created multiple scenarios in her head that played out how he could have escaped the gunfire.
She was sleepless and wandered through her home in Monterey County.
“I walked into the living room and looked outside the window which overlooks the Monterey Bay and the tall tree tops,” she explains. “I saw this flash of bright light. I really felt like that was a sign from my dad. Saying he’s on the other side now.”
About a minute later, Erika received the call. Kevin was one of the ten people killed in the shooting.
Erika says she was six months pregnant at the time. When her daughter was born she spiraled into post-partum depression.
“I remember holding this precious little newborn at CHOMP and thinking ‘how am I going to protect my daughter in a world that didn’t protect my dad?'”
The following year in May, the Uvalde mass shooting happened, causing more of an impact on Erika’s mental health.
Erika says she broke down and reached out to a grief therapist who changed her life.
It’s a type of grief the Everytown Support Fund refers to as a more extreme traumatic grief that may need professional help or support to get through.
The non-profit says this kind of grief doesn’t respond to medication or treatment in the same way as depression or anxiety.
Erika was a journalist at KION in the mid-2010’s and covered multiple deadly shootings across the Central Coast, also covering the Gilroy Garlic Festival mass shooting with the local NPR station in 2019.
She says she used her background as a way to cope by creating a podcast.
It’s called “Senseless” and is dedicated to the aftermath of mass shootings from the perspective of family members whose loved ones were killed.
“I think about when I turn my dad’s age and hopefully live longer than him and how that will be a hard moment,” Erika says. “[The Podcast] is about really diving deep at the long term impacts of these tragedies.”
She checked with family members to see if they supported this new project. The family agreed the podcast could help not just Erika, but possibly the world.
“Life is hard right now. The world is a scary chaotic place and we’re going through so much. I’ve learned through my experience that no one goes through life unscathed. Finding joy isn’t easy but just try to do it,” Erika says.
During the Podcast, Erika interviews Boulder Police officers, fellow journalists who covered the shooting and describes the emotions felt through the trial.
They’re emotions she kept in check in front of her children, who she hopes to spend her days with enjoying all the little things life has to offer.
“I took a moment to take my little baby boy to go look at the trash trucks this morning. Those little moments of joy and slowing down are so important. You have to remember to make space for them.”