By Kayla James
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URBANDALE, Iowa (KCCI) — An Urbandale mother is calling for change that she says starts at home. Her 15-year-old son, Miles Phipps, died by suicide earlier this month when she says the “final nail in the coffin” was when a substitute teacher misgendered him and doubled down on the stance after he corrected the teacher.
“If people were more kind, we wouldn’t be here,” said Ashley Campbell, Miles’ mother.
Campbell says kindness might have saved her son.
“Miles was special. He was unique. He was vibrant,” said Campbell. “He had a knack for lighting up a room with his smile.”
He also had a knack for making other people smile and bringing joy to their lives.
Campbell says Miles saved up money to buy 100 fuzzy worm string toys. He would go around and give them to people, passing them out and telling them to name them.
In addition to always showing people kindness himself, Miles loved the arts, music, riding his bike, and so much more.
However, at school, at times it was different.
“Miles endured years of bullying from being different. He was the only girl that didn’t want to shave his legs or wear makeup,” said Campbell. “Then he went nonbinary and then he was picked on for that. Then he told us his name was Miles and wanted to use he/him pronouns. Then he wasn’t boy enough for the boys.”
Campbell says Miles got through it, finding outlets by writing music and joining the Dream Team.
The Dream Team is a program that partners teens and kids with adult mentors. They build relationships, learn life skills, and grow while training and taking part in RAGBRAI all week long.
Miles completed his first RAGBRAI this past summer.
“They gave my kid longer to live and live authentically,” said Campbell.
Campbell tells KCCI that things started to get better. She says her son took a break from some of the friends that didn’t seem healthy for him.
“Then they posted videos online of them destroying his things, mocking a journal he had, and burning the fuzzy earrings he made them,” said Campbell.
Campbell tells KCCI that kids were yelling things at her son in the hallways. She also says the school had its hands tied regarding what could be done.
“A lot of schools are doing everything they can,” said Campbell. “I know that the counselor and the front desk lady and the principal — there was even an officer on campus that we had spoken to about kind of keeping an eye out for him. Kids don’t want to tattle because they’re afraid of the repercussions. He only filed one report. I think he didn’t want to name names. Honestly, the school’s hands were kind of tied in helping.”
On Monday, Nov. 3, while at school, Miles told Campbell that a substitute teacher misgendered him.
“He corrected her, and then the teacher said, ‘I can call you whatever I want, Miles,’” recalled Campbell.
Campbell says she and Miles’ sister helped cheer him up and that they had a good night following the school day.
However, the next day, he died.
“He was picked on consistently and constantly,” said Campbell. “I think the teacher’s comment was the final nail in the coffin because of how he reacted and the way it went.”
The loss of her son left Campbell with a strong purpose: to spread awareness.
Campbell and her family made yard signs, showing a photo of Miles’s smiling face, the words “be kind,” and the suicide and crisis lifeline number on them.
Iowa Safe Schools connected with Campbell and is now getting more signs made for people who want to request them. The organization says as of Monday, 160 signs have been requested statewide, and they will go out the first week of December. People can request signs here.
Campbell tells KCCI that teaching kindness starts at home, as parents are raising their kids.
“I don’t want kids to continue to feel like they — or people — to feel like they don’t belong just for being unique and for being themselves, because that’s not okay,” said Campbell.
On Tuesday, Nov. 11, a week after Miles died, some Urbandale High School students led and held a walkout in support of Phipps. They gathered at Lions Park, which is right across the street from the high school, and focused their support on suicide prevention.
KCCI did reach out to the Urbandale Community School District and received the following statement:
“As our Urbandale High School students, parents, staff, and community continue to process and grieve the loss of a UHS student, Miles Phipps, who died by suicide, we understand the heartache and pain so many of us are experiencing. Our UHS Counselors, Support Staff, and Administrators continue to help students cope with the loss of their friend and classmate. While we cannot comment on personnel-specific or student-specific issues or allegations, we can confirm all reports are thoroughly investigated and disciplinary action is taken when needed. We remain steadfast in our dedication to cultivating a safe, caring, and supportive learning environment for all students and staff. Our thoughts continue to be with Miles’ family and our entire UHS community.”
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