Barney Lerten
BEND, Ore. (KTVZ) — The founder of a Bend nonprofit that provides housing for women recovery from addiction issued an apology and shared her own story of stress and addiction’s spiral Monday as she was sentenced to 3 ½ years in prison and to repay over $400,000 in restitution to the organization.
Dawn Marie Holland, 53, the founder of DAWNS House, did not personally speak at her sentencing before Deschutes County Circuit Judge Wells Ashby, who agreed to impose the terms reached in a recent plea deal.
Instead, Holland prepared a statement that was read in court by her attorney, Sarah Yates, in which she apologized for her conduct and explained how she had taken on too many roles and responsibilities, struggling to find a work-life balance.
Holland wrote of how hard she tried to take care of other women in difficult straits – of dealing with suicides, overdoses, even the death of an 6-month-old infant – and how she failed to realize she had stopped taking care of herself.
“I truly wish I would (have) recognized the signs of my own deteriorating mental health,” Holland wrote. “And I wish I’d realized sooner how I was using … gambling in general to cope with my mental health.”
“Instead of getting help, I got lost in my addiction,” she continued. “I started gambling on other sites, and at casinos. I admit that I spent money from DAWNS House that I should never have spent. For that, I’m very sorry.”
She said she had made “many mistakes I wish I could take back,” adding, “I am sorry for my actions and I am sorry to the community.”
Holland’s attorney also confirmed she already has paid $100,000 of the ordered restitution before sentencing, as she agreed to do in signing the plea petition.
Deputy District Attorney Matthew Nelson called it an “incredibly tragic” case involving a woman who battled addiction for most of her adult life.
“Her struggles with gambling and alcohol addiction are real,” Nelson said, “but addiction can’t be a shield to accountability.”
Nelson noted how every dollar she took could have helped provide more help, support and safety to other women and children in need.
“Miss Holland’s conduct undermines confidence in charitable giving in our community,” the prosecutor said.
Along with paying back all the stolen funds, he said she agreed not to form another nonprofit, serve on other boards or raise funds.
Craig Ladkin, vice president of the DAWNS House Board of Directors, was sharply critical of Holland’s actions since her wrongdoing came to light,
Rather than cooperating with police as the organization asked, he said, “you fought us tooth and nail … in vicious, threatening ways,” with “vile, angry and hurtful words.” In fact, he called her “the most masterful and deceitful person I’ve ever met.”
“We could have been in this room two years ago, but you chose otherwise, while living on stolen money,” Ladkin said.
Yates, her defense attorney, said she’d gotten to know Holland pretty well, and that she had made changes in her life to assure she won’t hurt the community any further.
Licensed clinical social worker Lezlie Kellison also spoke on Holland’s behalf, saying she is far from alone in the struggles she experienced. A combination of insomnia, depression and “overwhelming stress led her to gamble at night.”
“It’s a very common trauma response pattern – not a character failure,” Keillison said. “Across our country, we burn out the very people we count on” as caregivers and those who can help people in crisis, often the only people they have to turn to.
Kellison said Holland has completed a year of intensive treatment and “wants her story to be a cautionary tale, to protect others from implosion” in the face of “profound trauma exposure.”
Judge Ashby told Holland the “significant impacts” of her crimes had hurt the very people she was trying to help. But he also spoke of how “we all make mistakes” and that she had “done some great work. Your continued sobriety is something to be celebrated.”
The judge also said she will be eligible for alternative programs transitional leave and work release programs.
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